Restorative “thinking”, sticks and pairs, ideas from Kris Miner.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and this post is to offer some insight to how I think.  I try to think restoratively – to BE more than just do Restorative Justice.  Maybe insight into my brain will be insight into yours.  We are cool like that as humans, we get to think about, how we think.

When I am making decisions or offering decisions to be made by others (for example my board).  I use a “pair and a spare”.  I got this from some dating advice book.  Date 3 guys at once, yeah right, so I moved it a way to think about decisions.  The “pair and a spare” helps because it forces grey.  Two paths, can mean right or wrong, black or white.  Pair and spare, oh the options.  We are happier when we think we have options.  With three choices, you are empowered after eliminating one.  You’ve made progress.  You can also look over why you immediately crossed off one of the choices and find what your real priority or decision making motivation is.  Try it, let me know.

“Stick” thinking.  Always wonder, what is at the other end of that stick?  Here is a great example of stick thinking – or seeing things on a continuum.  The blog, Why Your Passion for Work Could Ruin Your Career, offers we can be dualistic between harmonious and obsessive.  I recognized my obsessive; when I used to get upset, even angry at others for not engaging or embracing RJ at my same level (or even half) ok, full disclosure I can sometimes still be obsessive.  Right now I am feeling pretty good about Kris Miner.

I’m is the “Oasis” season of love.  Brain expert Daniel Amen calls it the Oasis Effect (from his book The Brain In Love).  Amen describes that we come out of the desert of being alone and longing to be in a relationship (since we are wired to be intimately connected to others) and being love releases hormones that actually increase our sense of trust, where we should be more cautious.  Amen describes an anxious state of euphoria (for finding a relationships that helps us feel more complete) that we fail to see trouble.  He writes about getting water from an oasis with dead animals around and failing to see the animals.  This book really helped me understand the brain and bio-chemistry of love. I know in the past I have been victim to the Oasis Effect, so now I am calling it a “season”, a phase.  Enjoying, with caution or knowledge that this flood of good feelings will eventually level out.

New love, leads to new awareness.  Here’s a line from my life, “Don’t put THAT in the blog”.  I guess I talk about the blog enough, that those new in my life have to set boundaries with me.  I also ask alot, “can I blog on that?”.  I get permission around comments or conversation I might be able to draw a blog post from.  I bet one of every 3 asks, eventually makes it to a blog post.  Right now I have 49 blog drafts started.  I start one when I capture a good link or idea.  If the tone of my post seems negative, I leave it started, come back later, time changes perspective.  I got a great suggestion once, to blog with a voice that could be heard in Circle (with the person in the Circle).  This was a great addition to the way I think, about blogging.

Being a blogger has and continues to help me.  As I posted here, new blogs are on the Restorative Justice landscape.  Just a year ago, Restorative Justice blog readers didn’t have as many choices.  With more options for readers, I’m thinking about my particular niche in the RJ blogging world.   I’ve grown into being a blogger and finding my niche as a practitioner offering insight, I also share my lifes intersection of personal and professional. This allows me freedom to share the way I think, in thinking it might help you.  Thinking on that . . . harmony or obsession?