Striving to be in life, exactly how and who I am in Restorative Justice Circle process.

Restorative Justice Circles leave people feeling refreshed, hopeful and connected.  I know this from hearing countless reflections, and my own experiences.  I asked a Circle (that meets monthly) if there was anything more needed from the Circle.  The round began with a firm affirmation about how much Circle already gives, the joke: other than handing out cash at the door, it couldn’t be any better.

In Circle:

  • It is not about the keeper, it is about the process.
  • It is about the values placed in the center, reminding all of us to stay with things like trust, love, understanding, honesty, caring.

In Life:

  • it is not about Kris, it is about all of us.
  • it is about living in good relationships to others, using the values of humankind.

I seem to have the Circle thing working out.  I want to be more like I am in Circle . . . ALLLL the time! 

In Circle:

  • I listen (and without judgement)
  • I share from a place of good and heart centered
  • I don’t interrupt
  • I place WE ahead of ME
  • I bring and act on the values in the center
  • I lead with gentleness (or try anyway)

In Life:

  • well . . . I am at a restructuring place.  I don’t always do as I would like.

At this very moment, I am struggling a bit.  A friend and I haven’t had a “not speaking” phase in 14 years.  That hurts, and yet I am sitting with it, unsure what to do.  We are here because I said something unnecessary and rude.  So now, my person I would tell all my stuff to, isn’t in my life. 

Stress at the office got to a “boiling point”.  We fixed it, talked and hugged.  I left with feedback that I am a perfectionist.  I am involved in all aspects of SCVRJP. Sometimes (others might say never) I don’t let people do it any other way, than mine.  I am a task assigner who can only explain some of what is in my head, or my ADD, I move on before explaining the rest.  Yet, I expect those doing tasks for me, to know the entire picture.  I assign multiple tasks in the middle of a person working.  I change speeds, I take on more than I can or should and start to delegate where people never had a voice.  As you can tell by the paragraph here, I am not in a place of celebrating and honoring my strengths or accomplishments (right now).

It is a fact of life, but I have to say: Stress is a bitch.  I don’t do well with it.  I don’t have time for it.  I ignore it.  I fight it.  I try to punch it in the face and run away.  I lie about having it, “those hives must have been something I ate” (they lasted 6 months)!  I’m human, and we all have those certain neurosis that come with being human.  Who hasn’t had the discomfort of stress, coworker conflict, fights with a friend, concern about your job?  I however, experience life deeply and passionately, my ebb and flow is more like drought and tsunami.  I cried on the way to work, I cleared the day and came home to take care of myself.  I called a different friend for support.  I cried again disappointed I am a failure at taking care of myself and having a life outside of work.

To take on life, like I am in Circle, I needed a place to tell the truth.  This is the blog post of me telling the truth about how I am, right now at this moment.  So friends, who are going to call and ask me, you know I will be in a better place, I just told the whole world how this was going! 

So now I can laugh at myself, come full circle on this, return to my self-help books about being a perfectionist.  Appreciate people who explain our differences so we can move forward productively.  And, most importantly thank my lucky stars I was exposed to the process of Circle, which brings me back to the person I most hope to be.

And THANK YOU blog readers, for being part of this journey!