“Time heals” was my forgiveness and I needed it more than I thought.

I used the phrase “time heals”, I couldn’t quite say “I forgive you”, but I acknowledged this person, which I had not done for about a year.  Someone I saw 5 days a week hurt me, she wronged our relationship. 

It took a great deal of time, but when I had to mail her a form, I put on a post it note, and acknowledged that I hoped she was well, and that I had been hurt, but that time heals.  She called me in tears, and was overcome with deep positive emotion about the note.  I ended the call quickly.  Yet I was amazed at how light my heart felt.  It was something I didn’t think I had really carried anymore.  I just needed to live my ‘restorative life’ congruently.

There are things in life we have control over, and there are things we do not.  We can’t change the harm that happens, but we control how we respond to it.  Time and time again, I have heard resilent young people just state, they want things “back to normal”.  The comfort of the routine, is what helps them heal.  The safety in the structure and routine of life.  I admire that about young people.

Here’s my hypothesis on this.  Young people are better at realizing people make mistakes.  Adults have formulated more of a “right and wrong” and we label behavior as bad.  In my experience adults are more judgemental than young people.  Young people are constantly afraid of being judged, so they have no energy left to judge others.

This article meant a lot to me, How to Forgive Others.  A number of reasons people might not forgive is listed.  People feeling they were ‘injustly’ treated is a rationale for not forgiving.  Or later in the article, the black and white thinking (more characteristic of adults) that if someone does something ‘injust’ we stop thinking they are capable of any good.

I use ‘harm’ to define crime and hurt, the word ‘injustice’ would work as well.  Repairing injustices, where I usually say repairing harm.  What about preventing injustice, as we prevent harm.

In the personal situation I mentioned above, I felt the offending behavior was very, very unjustified.  I was hurt on many, many levels.  I didn’t know how much releasing the harm, by saying “time heals” would bring  healing.  It was like a deep sigh I didn’t know I needed.  If you’ve got a grudge, if you were treated unjustly, do your best, take a sigh.  Release it, you might be suprized at the relief forgiveness brings.