It never hurts to treat yourself restoratively. Restorative Justice requires introspection.

nightstandI recently cleaned out my nightstand drawer.  I thought the mix of items were really interesting, can I explain a few.

-The Mini Bottle of Sky vodka, upper right corner.  Demonstrates my protective parenting skills.  I found the vodka outside of our apartment building, right by the door.  Just laying in the grass, unopened.  It’s mine now. 

-The handcreams, cuticle clippers and Rx cream, represent healing.  Thank goodness the hives are gone!  I got past whatever was stressing me out.  No medical explanation, no cause or reason determined.  I am just thankful they are gone.  I keep the cream, just in case!

-Earplugs – those show my skills for others.  Boyfriend snores like a chainsaw.  Daughter and friends watch tv late.  I use the ear plugs to take care of myself, while letting others be themselves.

-paperwork – torn out journal pages, notes of blog ideas, lists of books I want to read.  All together I noticed these things really show who I am, and what I think, dream and want to learn about.

The most restorative part, was the journal pages I found about my relationship with my Dad.  Popular psychology has told us for years, the quality of the father-daughter bond impacts the daughter relationship to boyfriends.

During the last break-up with boyfriend I took a good look at my relationship with my Dad.  Some where I found the outline to work on, and as I look over the journal pages I realize the significant shift that happened.  What I restored on my own, I believe has lent to the current success of boyfriend and I.

The journaling (I am really sorry to not to have what book/website had these categories or ideas).

These pages were torn out of a journal.  I did them sometime in the last year.

I listed all the GOOD about my Dad/our relationship.  I listed what was CHALLENGING about my Dad relationship.  I listed what I felt I needed and did not get.  I then listed out what I needed in a relationship.  I listed out what the challenges & unmet needs caused me to be looking for in a man.  Some theories claim we work out this unfinished buisness with mates.  The next section was to ask myself if I still hold anything against him.  I listed 7 men, major relationships, 20 years of dating and significant relationships, and looked for a common theme.  I used all the previous work, to show what my ‘unconsious match maker’ was working on.  I listed what scares my about a relationship.  This was real, I wrote: “I’ll screw it up, he’ll leave me and I won’t be good enough”.  Then I wrote out an opposite relationship (than the ones I was having) would require me to:  -date slowly, -select carefully, -be who I want, and -love myself, accept that I am way more than ‘good enough’.

As I looked over this journaling, I got a feeling of doing my “life’s” homework.  I recalled stepping out of the shower one day, about 8 months ago and realizing, I can keep having “issues” and get thru it when my Dad dies, or I can heal my stuff now.  I bet it was around the same time I did this journaling.  It was like, a light switch, and I just ‘decided’ in that moment that I was going to be okay.  I was going to love and be loved.

Judge Ed Wilson said this at a Restorative Justice Conference:  In relationships we are broken and in relationships we are healed.

It never hurst to have a restorative relationship with yourself.