I recently cleaned out my nightstand drawer. I thought the mix of items were really interesting, can I explain a few.
-The Mini Bottle of Sky vodka, upper right corner. Demonstrates my protective parenting skills. I found the vodka outside of our apartment building, right by the door. Just laying in the grass, unopened. It’s mine now.
-The handcreams, cuticle clippers and Rx cream, represent healing. Thank goodness the hives are gone! I got past whatever was stressing me out. No medical explanation, no cause or reason determined. I am just thankful they are gone. I keep the cream, just in case!
-Earplugs – those show my skills for others. Boyfriend snores like a chainsaw. Daughter and friends watch tv late. I use the ear plugs to take care of myself, while letting others be themselves.
-paperwork – torn out journal pages, notes of blog ideas, lists of books I want to read. All together I noticed these things really show who I am, and what I think, dream and want to learn about.
The most restorative part, was the journal pages I found about my relationship with my Dad. Popular psychology has told us for years, the quality of the father-daughter bond impacts the daughter relationship to boyfriends.
During the last break-up with boyfriend I took a good look at my relationship with my Dad. Some where I found the outline to work on, and as I look over the journal pages I realize the significant shift that happened. What I restored on my own, I believe has lent to the current success of boyfriend and I.
The journaling (I am really sorry to not to have what book/website had these categories or ideas).
These pages were torn out of a journal. I did them sometime in the last year.
I listed all the GOOD about my Dad/our relationship. I listed what was CHALLENGING about my Dad relationship. I listed what I felt I needed and did not get. I then listed out what I needed in a relationship. I listed out what the challenges & unmet needs caused me to be looking for in a man. Some theories claim we work out this unfinished buisness with mates. The next section was to ask myself if I still hold anything against him. I listed 7 men, major relationships, 20 years of dating and significant relationships, and looked for a common theme. I used all the previous work, to show what my ‘unconsious match maker’ was working on. I listed what scares my about a relationship. This was real, I wrote: “I’ll screw it up, he’ll leave me and I won’t be good enough”. Then I wrote out an opposite relationship (than the ones I was having) would require me to: -date slowly, -select carefully, -be who I want, and -love myself, accept that I am way more than ‘good enough’.
As I looked over this journaling, I got a feeling of doing my “life’s” homework. I recalled stepping out of the shower one day, about 8 months ago and realizing, I can keep having “issues” and get thru it when my Dad dies, or I can heal my stuff now. I bet it was around the same time I did this journaling. It was like, a light switch, and I just ‘decided’ in that moment that I was going to be okay. I was going to love and be loved.
Judge Ed Wilson said this at a Restorative Justice Conference: In relationships we are broken and in relationships we are healed.
It never hurst to have a restorative relationship with yourself.