Honesty, great as a circle value . . . not so sure I like it from my boyfriend.

Boyfriend is brutally honest.  He doesn’t always have the filter regarding what he says hurting someone’s feelings.  I’ve decided to date him, knowing he is like this.  It’s take the good with the bad for me.  I’ve just decided to start telling him where he should lie to me.

For example, my cooking.  We stopped in a Pie Shop.  As immature as this sounds, I told him I didn’t want him to get banana cream pie, because he might like it better than mine.  I have very few hobbies outside of work and making pies is one of them.  If I am going to air his shortcomings in my blog, I better fess up to mine.  It was silly to ask him not to get a particular piece of pie, because it might outshine what I make.

He got the Banana Cream pie.  He told me I might have to “keep practicing” mine.  I wanted to smash that pie right in his face.  At least he half-heartedly mumbled this, so I pretend not to get it.  He’s not getting a banana cream pie from me for a long, long time.

Then there is a photo.  I said “want to see a horrible picture of me?”.  He says yes, I pull it up on the computer.  He says “yeah, that’s pretty bad, you look like a hyena or something”.  I didn’t want him to agree!  Maybe a little white lie telling me it’s not that bad.

I showed someone else, she said “looks like you were happy”, she avoided telling me a lie, like saying I looked good.   She offered an observation.

So Restorative Justice is all about relationships, and I’m all about Restorative Justice, therefore, I want to have quality relationships myself.

Are relationships easy for you?  Because I find that I struggle.  That’s honest.  Relationships are hard work.  Gosh . . . forgiving and loving and being nice when that person has bad breath. 

I talked to boyfriend about this honesty thing.  He said “well you don’t want me to lie do you?” 

I said “yes, I do”.  We laughed but I think I meant it.

Boyfriend, tell me a white lie every now and then.  Keep to yourself the things that might prick my heart.  Don’t burst a bubble, just to be honest.

So I’m old enough and wise enough to know this:  He isn’t going to change, and to put my happiness on his plate of responsibility is foolish.  My happiness is mine to worry about.  (now I like it if he thinks of it, but it isn’t his first job).

So the magic of gratitude, the power of appreciation.  Finding the good in his honesty.  He’s so honest I can trust what he says.  If it comes out of his mouth he thinks it and he believes it.  These pieces of his character over shadow his flaws at not knowing when to give out a little white lie.

He believes in SCVRJP.  He says good things about the organization I direct.  He sees the value in Restorative Justice.  So what if he thinks I look goofy in this picture . . . honestly, I do.

Kris Miner, speaking at Rotary
Kris Miner, speaking at Rotary