Mirage – something that I believe to be true, then up close, it’s not really there. I grew up in South Dakota, the heat and the highways gave me plenty of experiences, seeing a wavy gray cloud floating on the highway up ahead. I would play mind games as a little kid. Pretending that we would pass thru the portal of time, once we crossed the mirage. Long car rides from Michigan to South Dakota. I’m from the era of the long car ride family “vacation”. Which was no vacation for my parents. Trapped in a small space with my brother and I. We either played we were ‘Daisy & Donald Duck’ with authentic duck voices of course. Our other game was “Mr. Scarecrow”. Long story, different blog post.
The highway mirage of childhood, was REAL. I have a few adult ‘mirages’, which unfortunately I am going to have to accept that these are NOT REAL. I somehow, see the mirage of “getting organized” as the only barrier to meeting my goals. Writing my book and exercise, are two things in my day planner that I can seem to completely ignore. I even spent 1/2 a day on our budget, going thru every bank statement last year, to see what we had for income and expenses each month. Well we paid the book keeper to do her job, I already knew what annual income and expense totals were. Our budget is short for next year. Guess what divided by 12 (instead of the annual number) it still comes up short. Did I spend sometime on something I already knew. YES. Did it contribute to me goal (getting the book done). No.
So what’s up with this, Kris? Before I get to that, let me tell you about time spent on the ‘mirage’. I got a new 3 ring binder, new tabs, new pencils, new pens. Okay – now I am really, finally organized, and that will help me get the book done. I got really organized about 7 times now. I even switched out a three ring binder because the new-old one had good stuff in it, so the binder had good Karma. Oh for pete’s sake (Sorry Pete), for cryin’ outloud! Wake up Kris, the only thing that gets a book written, is writing it.
I’ve managed to keep a great mentor, because I listen to him. He had another mentee that didn’t listen to him, so he ended that relationship. The mentee came begging back, fine said mentor, now that mentee pays for mentoring! I don’t pay for it, I pass it on. I mentor someone else and keep my mentor updated. So tomorrow, when I see mentor, ut oh. He might not be so happy with his favorite mentee. Unless of course, I work my butt off tonight, he that’s an option.
Maybe I need to set more deadlines for myself. Yeah, that’s it, another mental game to get me working on the book. I’ll pretend I have different deadlines. Cause I get to work underpressure, last minute Miner! Oh cripes, I’m making up another mirage – – making up conditions, so that once i get down the road things will be different. Then I find myself down the road, and it’s exactly the same as it was.
So . . . here’s my restorative justice link. It’s not about the past. Its about moving ahead in a good way. I guess to move ahead I have to keep ‘mirages’ out of my vision. The real vision, is having that book done. Having something to share with others who are working on keeping teens alive. Bringing Restorative Justice and Circles to an issue, opening doors in schools and communities. Most of all, I want that book in the hands of a parent or family member that had a loved one die from a car crash. I want to bring them, healing, storytelling and hope. I want the book to give a road map for Circles. Okay, no more mirages . . .