So I post about my case of ‘hives‘. I make the point it’s like Restorative Justice, not about ‘why’ but what to do now. You see most harm is generated from a mistake. Restorative Justice gives you another chance, to do the right thing. You get an other opportunity to not make another mistake, and it even gives you a chance to right the wrong. You make amends, take action.
So here I am with my hives, which are really subtracting from my life. Yesterday I accidently scratched my leg, and the welts rose up and the skin turned red. I have to accept the prescription medicine failed. They are better than they were – but still reacting. The physical issue, the mental issue (what did I eat, what did I change, what did I do). Its emotionally draining, the worry about all of this. And Spiritually well, who has time for that!? (I know I am not taking good care of my whole self).
So I do more research about ‘hives’. In the lists of ’causes’ again and again stress was mentioned. Again and again I read accounts of people getting NO relief from doctors. I imagine those that did, had no need to write in forums about it.
Chatting with a friend, I say it’s not stress, "I’m no more stressed than usual". I go on to add "a lot of stress, but it’s not unusual for me." She replies with a zinger – that’s what makes good friends good. She says "well maybe your body is finally telling you, that’s toooo much stress". hmmmmm. wait, what . . .
So the thought stayed with me. So did the post message “what to do now” (not why). I worked on my class syllabus last night, the class is today. I am trying to get staff to write up forms and website content, I’m not giving clear directions. I messed up last week – trying to purchase an ad, we don’t even really need, mixed messages to board members (never a good thing).
This morning I woke up with an Ah–HA! Please let me vent.
Oh my gosh, how much more can 1 woman try and do!?!?!?
I am completely OVERWHELMED and STRESSED OUT! Here’s why.
1.) Write a book in less than a year – date to publisher March 15, 2009. Really coming up quickly. This is not easy – especially for me. I just started thinking of myself as a ‘writer’ 4 months ago!
2.) Run the non-profit – manage 2 staff, 5 programs – we are bringing on new board members and new officers, creating program manuals, doing a fundraiser . . . not to mention our budget for ’09 is at MINUS $26,000! Our biggest granter is laying people off – I suspect we will be in for even more financial cutting!
3.) Teach an ‘advanced restorative justice class’ – which I’ve never taught before. Just realized that payroll was off and I had ONE dollar of Federal Tax withheld. The class I LOVE and students LOVE cannot be offered permenantly because only I can teach it.
4.)Manage a new website coming on line – write the organization marketing plan (since I terminated our contractor) – research and evaluate community interests – I wrote a nice survey monkey survey. This is all wrapped up in non-profit management, but I gave it two numbers, these are major projects.
5.)Single Parent – a strong willed, confident teenager, manage family finances, juggle schedules, keep the house clean and the cat alive and now 2 cars.
6.)Date or have a life – tried to get back out there with on-line dating site membership. Try to call girlfriends, have lunch, be a person outside of SCVRJP Executive Director. Much harder than it seems.
7.)Physical health committments – I decided to start cooking on the weekends, so I am not always doing fast food, last minute meals. Getting physcially more healthy (thinner) I decided to run a 5k, to work on my self-discipline. I was doing great until the hives! Granted I started at Christmas.
7.) Social Networker – This is self induced – but the blog, the twitter the facebook, Linked IN. I love it, it is a ‘labor’ of love. It takes time, energy and resources to keep up and do a good job. I appreciate they payoffs and these items help me reach goals.
So here’s a clue for me now . . . I’ve written this post and my hives are all inflamed and it’s not because of scratching.
It’s time for the very bitter medicine . . . my own advice . . . so what am I going to do now . . .
Kris, I was reading your blog and totally identify with you. Today, I have three meetings to attend, two circles in schools tomorrow and then lunch with the boss to talk about the things that we are planning to do this year. I had the director of a charter school in Winona ask about doing a circle of support for women. Women who do it all. Just a simple gathering to talk about how to take care of ourselves. I was going to contact you and inquire if you would be interested in doing something like this. We could all commute to a middle ground spot and just circle each other. I am having huge health issues because of stress. I have a muscle in my neck that keeps spasming caused all kinds of other problems. It gives me so much much pain I can't stand it. I went to the Americainn in Wabasha last night to swim, sit in the sauna and relax. It was great and it only cost $4.00. Self-care in this field is so important and I can tell others what to do but I don't follow my own advice. Thinking of you and hoping you get rid of your hives. Peace, Joy and Harmony! Joyce
Hi Kris, I've been having some similar issues with feeling overwhelmed and undersupported. There have been some encouraging developments lately, though.
Here are two things I'm doing that help:
1. Our Circle keepers group is a place where I can just be in a circle with other workers, and where we talk about what's going on in our lives and relate that to our practice. It's very energizing and healing.
2. I've increased the amount of exercise I'm getting, giving it close-to-top priority. As a result I'm sleeping much better, and am therefore much more effective in how I'm using my time, which in turn reduces stress…so it's a positive feedback look, instead of a negative one.
Joyce's comment about the sauna is right on also…for me, it's a 10-minute soak in the jacuzzi after my workout.
We have to remember to take the time to be in circle for ourselves, for building our own communities, and for the sheer joy of (re)discovery that occurs as we're passing around the talking piece.
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